It was a simple change. Many did not think much of it and I would be lying if I told you that I saw it coming. I would be lying if I told you that I was prepared, that I was brave, and not a bone in my body quivered with the thought of it being my last breath. I would simply be lying. Once a peaceful city has now become the living example of despair. A city where life has been stolen and has given no sign of return.

Aliya was too little to understand the contemporary world and the horrific changes pursued by the government. I sheltered her from any cases of reality hitting her. Never would I corrupt her childhood and destroy the innocence displayed through her sage coloured eyes. She was the reason I felt whole and if that smile disappeared I would be lost in this distorted city. As a mother it was my duty to protect her naivety and nothing would change that. It was then I realized I had to fight. I refuse to let my little girl grow up in a world of fear like her mother. Time progressed and eventually I became a well-known activist portrayed as a rebellious woman, often compared to an idealistic Arabian woman.It never bothered me because I was doing this for Aliya. It was considered taboo for a woman like me to stand out of the shadows and embrace the light. Many protests had resulted my identity to become concealed since I had become a target for the government.

We moved communities to protect Aliya until we felt that it was safe for us to live a normal life. The community had been a drastic change from what we were used too. I considered it to be completely absurd that the horrendous destruction I laid my eyes on was what some citizens may consider home. Debris bordered the entrance welcoming starving visitors from rodents, to birds, and  starving children too poor to afford a meal. The sun suppressed behind the clouds refusing to shine light on this community of tragedy. It was as if a creation so beautiful had become ashamed by the hideous environment beneath it. I held my head high as I stepped forward into the mud dominated area remembering the purpose of this move. I had to remember this was for Aliya.

 It was her birthday. Like every mother, my priority had become to make this day special for her. She loved the beach. It was her escape from our bitter reality. She was overjoyed when she found out where we were spending the day. She raced towards the waters battling the waves as I observed in the sand. I could only concentrate on her smile and indulge myself with her happiness until I saw him.

I was a fool. It was unusual to be at the beach with the circumstances of our corrupted city. I assumed it was his reasoning to stare at such a brilliant girl.  The man reached for something in his pocket and without a second to react he aimed for Aliya. My eyes shut and the trigger had been released.

I stood frozen as if the sand had sunken me into the depths of the earth which made it nearly impossible for my feet to move. I opened my eyes to a man running in fear and Aliya collapsed in front of me with a hole in his heart.

” Aliya!” My shrieks were too silent for him to comprehend and respond.

I scrambled to reach her but I was too late.

The water had kissed the shoreline, smothering the rocks with their forsaken love. The breeze swept through my hair relaxing my mind and causing the crinkles formed on my forehead to vanish. My once focused eyes had given up the search of the sea and now laid eyes on the sunset. My knees felt weak, and I felt nauseous which resulted in a fall. A fall that had become the barrier between the caressing waters and it’s sediment lover. Though my head had been above the water it felt as if I was drowning with every wave that embraced me. I felt suffocated.

Now I lay with a lifeless body in my arms with swollen eyes, and bloody hands. A body that used to smile when it saw my eyes, and released the words Mama in my presence. This was now a body that had lost it’s vibrant colours and shed blood with every tight squeeze.

I had lost a part of my identity that day. I lost my right to be called a mother.

 Asna.A

Image Credit: FanP